When I was small, I lived with the notion that life was a gift and that it should be enjoyed. I believed that fulfilment of my desires was the ultimate goal. My ideas were further made concrete by the quotes and words I read. My favourite quote from childhood was “You have only one life and one chance to do everything you want to do.” Soon I found my affinity for this world growing and becoming intense with each passing day.
Being an avid reader, I devoured books. And everything I read was from the western stand point. Books like Snow White, Cinderella, Beauty And The Beast, Little Women, Aladdin etc influenced my thoughts. The TV shows that shaped my adolescence exhibited “freedom”, “liberty” and “doing your own thing”.
As a young girl, I wanted to explore life. I wanted to experiment and learn and grow. I wanted to make mistakes and own them. That was life in my definition. Setting yourself free. Making a statement. It was like a dream. Walking on the road to self-discovery! I wanted to follow my heart and see where it led me because in my opinion that’s how you find yourself, that’s how you become you. Perilous yet enthralling. Little did I know that in the name of self-discovery I was inviting my own doom.
I am a Muslim. Not that Muslims can’t enjoy life. No, it’s not like that. But as a practicing Muslim today, I know that my attachment to this world is detrimental. The more I adore this world, the more miserable I’m going to be. Allah has not given me this life to simply relish. There is a purpose. I can’t just direct all my focus and energy towards the attainment of my desires. And what should my desire be in the first place? If someone had asked me this question when I was 18, I would have confidently answered, “Travel, Meet celebrities, Live in a mansion. Fine dining etc ” Such were my dreams. How shallow of me to think such worldly things could give me joy.
Today, I have realized that this life is temporary and that attachment to this world will only inflict me and bring me heartbreak. It is sad that I had to go through excruciating pain to learn this lesson. But I am glad I have understood it. I know that life is a gift. But it is also a test. The ultimate goal is not fun or freedom. The ultimate goal is to seek Allah’s pleasure and make a home in Jannah. This life is only a trial. Real life, the perfect and everlasting one awaits me in Jannah. That’s my permanent home! Not this world!
Written by Shumila Malik
Shumila Malik 