Defeated

She thought she was strong and determined. Giving up was never an option for her. She possessed the strength of insanity, a fire, a madness that just won’t let her give up. At least not without a fight! She was a firm believer in hard work and struggle. If God didn’t want her to have it, she was okay but she wouldn’t settle until she was sure. But things changed today. She gave up today. Not because she didn’t want to try harder. Not because she didn’t have enough patience. She gave up because the pain was excruciating. She gave up because she didn’t find anything there. She felt humiliated. Instead of being cherished or loved, she was disregarded!

Despite her bleeding heart, she went on to believe that she was capable. That she could change lives. She thought that wounded hearts could heal. She thought she had the power to glue together shattered lives. Her heart was like an ocean, full of love! She knew for sure that her love would make a huge difference. Her love was the only ingredient that would change a life. That particular life! But she was wrong! She couldn’t make that heart feel what it won’t. She could be of no assistance if she wasn’t welcomed there. It was agonizing to see her affection being taken for granted.

Till yesterday she believed she had the power to make someone else’s life better. She thought she was sent to this earth to light the darkness, to impact lives. She wanted to cure the misery and restore happiness in the cracked, broken souls. But today, she felt like a cracked, broken soul herself! She was made of darkness but she wanted to spread sunshine. And she tried everything in her power to do that. But every time she went a little closer, she was pushed away! And today, her patience exhausted, her ego was bruised and she was defeated! 

It felt so wrong. It felt unfair. But she realized she needed to take a step back. The only thing in her power now was to send her prayers silently to the other side. Her prayers would Inshallah send rainbows to that door. Because there was only so much she could do. She had her boundaries. Lines had to be drawn. Actually, she crossed the line today to see what was on the other side and found nothing except indifference and irritation. In that painful moment she lost all hope. But this was the last time. Tomorrow would be a new day. A new beginning. Truth is a bitter pill. But it’s better than false hope… 

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