Most of my poems depict complicated emotions or despairing, conflicting thoughts while my articles have this mundane, greyish, often tensed air surrounding them. Just a while ago, a stray thought jogged to the front of my head. What if I’m giving away too much of myself? Am I washing my dirty linen in public? What impression am I leaving on my friends, colleagues or students? I mean how do they see me now? That I’m broken or insane or that I’m so shameless I’m making a public display of my inner torments and tribulations! Who in their right mind would trumpet their insanity or exhibit their sorrows on a public platform? And just when such unsettling thoughts surfaced, a loud, strong voice in my head slammed all the abandoned, little monsters that bugged me and the chaos inside me started fading. In the new and fresh silence, I and my tender, little quivering heart had a private talk.
My heart reminded me that my blog is my happy place. It is my sanctuary. It’s my refuge. Writing helps me figure out who I am. It gives me strength to face my demons and the courage to slay them. Ever since I started writing, I have become happier and more positive. I find myself totally indulged in this healthy, constructive activity. Having said that, I have no control over people’s thoughts. They can see me as a kind, caring, sensitive soul or perceive me as some miserable lunatic looking for sympathy! It’s entirely up to them what they choose to see in me or what they want to believe in. Besides, I’m on WordPress to flaunt my writing skills and read what my fellow bloggers are writing. Moreover, reading about other people’s darkness helps us make sense of our own lives.
Now that my heart has put some sense into me, it is finally at peace! It is no longer worried about what picture people are painting about me in their minds. 🙂
Written By Shumila Malik